So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
