you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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