if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
