I have demons in me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
