On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
