What a fucking waste of an outfit
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
