how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
