No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
