I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
