my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
