at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
