Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
