If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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