you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
