Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
