you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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