So drunk, too bad you don't want this
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
