my phone needs a breathalizer
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
