I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
