Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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