Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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