If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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