you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
