and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
