in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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