I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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