The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
