You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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