I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
