Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
