I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
