so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
