yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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