So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
well you can't waste a boner
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
