I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
