the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
