Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
