The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
