fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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