i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
