it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
