Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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