im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm like, not good at living.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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