He asked me if I "almost moaned"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
