so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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