I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think your dad took our porno
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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