I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
