If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
