addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
