I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
