You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sext me about skeletons
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
