I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
