once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
