It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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