We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
