Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
