Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
