I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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