i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
