If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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