we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
