You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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