I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
