My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
