We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
