Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
