My first STD was from a foam party
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
