if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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