I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
