so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
