u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
